The #1 Reason to Stop Wavering and Make a Decision Today

Normally, I’m a pretty decisive person. A situation arises and I can decide what to do (or not to do) about it in a snap. Even big decisions (e.g., deciding to become debt free, homeschooling) usually come easily, as does making the necessary lifestyle changes to live out those decisions. However, lately I’ve been an Indecisive Izzy (yeah, I just made that up) when it came to decisions that, for whatever reason, I felt could have an enormous impact on our lives.

Now, I’m all for being introspective and letting the answers to my questions flow and all, but sometimes all that is just too much. A sista needs to make a damn decision and move on. Can I live, you know what I’m saying? So, today I decided to stop pussyfooting around and commit to five things that have had hold of my mind, heart, and, really, my soul for a good while. I just couldn’t go another day wavering, being wishy washy, stressing out and just being annoying (to myself and others, I’m sure), so I wrote everything out and committed. Boom.

Now, let me tell y’all – these decisions were not at the top of my list as the things I wanted to do. They are decisions that fall into the category of “things you have to do now in order to be able to do the things you want to do later.” I’m sure you can relate. So, what was the one thing that helped me to stop wavering and make my decisions? It was this:
AH Quote

Doesn’t it sum it up nicely? After I read this I initially said (in my head), “They don’t know me. They don’t know my life!” Then, I was like, “Well, yeah, that makes sense, and, honestly, who the heck I am to stagnate own my Life Force? That ish cray.” And, just as they said, of course I felt much better, and, yes, alive once I made my decisions, wrote them down, which prompted me to start to draft plans to make them come to fruition.

So, now it’s your turn. What have you been grappling with for a while? What is something that you may have thought was decided, but keeps coming around like that one “cousin” who shows up at the family reunion but no one knows? Couldn’t you use that LifeEnergy that indecision is stealing to propel you into the live you actually want? Isn’t it time to resolve your indifferences and let life flow again? There’s no need to wait any longer. Get ‘er done today!

To the mother who never wanted children

Being a mother has always been on my list of things to do in life. I never thought I’d get married, although I’m so glad I did, but being a mother was one thing that I knew I would do. And I knew that I would be awesome at it. Maybe that’s my leo pride talking, but, as a child who viewed life with long-term lenses, that was going to be my truth. Fast forward 20 years or so and I’d have to say that awesome I am not, but I’m working on it. That’s no slight to myself, it’s just my review of my almost seven years of mamahood. It doesn’t matter how much someone tells you or how much you believe you have it together, being a parent, especially a mother, is tough. Anyone who has done it will attest to that. You hope to have more good days than bad, but, in the end, you hope to have done your best.

Today, I read this article and all of these thoughts about my motherhood journey so far bubbled up. Please take a moment to read the article before you continue reading here.

Now, I don’t know about you, but the writer’s tone got to me. While I don’t want to negate her feelings, I also don’t want to encourage them either. Motherhood is hard. Heck, being a responsible, functional adult is hard. No one who’s in either (or both) role(s) will dispute that fact. However, to this mama and any others who feel like her (I’m about to go all Shonda Rhimes’ main character via any show she’s done),

“You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to fall apart. If you need to cry, scream, kick something, have a drink, or punch something, you do that and then you get yourself together and go and live your life. You don’t get to fall apart and stay that way. That’s not ok. Now, fix your face and get your ass back out there.”

Being a mother (or father) isn’t easy, but as parents, it’s not right for any of us to put all of our business on the internet just hoping for others to join the pity party. It’s not good for us, and especially not for our children – hello! If help is needed, get it. If a good venting session is required, talk to a trusted friend or see a therapist. We all feel overwhelmed at times, but if it’s a constant struggle to accept life as it is, especially the role as mom or dad, then it’s not enough to own that, help must be sought because there is something deeper going on.

It sounds cliche, but parenting is really a gift. It offers the opportunity for our rebirth. Our children are mirrors that show us the things that need a-healin’, as well as give us glimpses into our future selves. Parenting should be hard because anything that’s worth it will challenge us in ways we’d never anticipate. But, we will get through it. We will grow from it. We will be harder, tougher, faster, stronger. *in my Kanye voice* We have to believe that. Have faith, and the occasional meltdown if need be, then parent on.

Why I’m Not Concerned About How My Children Will Turn Out

boys

I was talking to a neighbor yesterday who said that she knows our boys will grow up to be great men and, at that time, I will say, “I did that.” I thanked her, but felt uneasy. I don’t often think about the type of men my suns will be, but when called to do so I never think about their success (whatever that may look like for them) being because of me (and their dad). I think this is where parenting goes awry. Whether my suns succeed or fail, I am simply there as a constant presence to help however I can. Naturally, I want them to do well as boys and as men, but, in the end, that’s on them. We will provide the best environment, upbringing, and opportunities to thrive as they enter into manhood however I have removed my attachment to the outcome of their lives. How their lives turn out, in greatness or mediocrity, is ultimately up to them.

Don’t get me wrong. I get where my neighbor was coming from, and I am humbled that she thinks so highly of my children at the tender ages of two and six. However I won’t allow myself to believe that my parenting reach extends beyond the parameters of where it should. I know my role in this parenting journey and gladly accepted it, and while I understand how impactful it is, I want my boys to continue to own their lives, however they turn out. That’s how life should be, and when they do leave the nest with belief in their capabilities and their truths, I will gladly say, “I did that.” because instilling those tenets, and other knowledge of self tenets, is in my control. Then, I will know that I did my job as their mother. But, for now, I’m working on it, day by day, just enjoying them and this journey.